Madeline is in Atlanta rolling around with her nieces and nephew for the week. Roxy is back in New York City, causing trouble as usual. Madeline gets a text from Roxy reading, "I want a dog". Madeline quickly texts back and agrees that they are in need of a canine globeroller. The next day, Madeline's phone explodes with pictures of dogs Roxy is visiting at the ASPCA. They all seem cute, but none of them exceptional. Then the last picture sent is one of a glorious pupper friend gazing lovingly at Roxy's rims. We know immediately that this is the one.
His name is Cliff, which we find rude considering cliffs are far from globerolling friendly. We decide to call him Lord Clifford Edward III for short. He is six years old and meets the requirements to be trained as a therapy dog. Roxy wants to take him home that day, but he is currently on antibiotics and cannot be officially adopted until he is fully recovered from his sickness. The ASPCA tells Roxy they will call her when Cliff is ready to be picked up. So Roxy fills out the paperwork, gives him one more snuggle, and promises him she'll be back soon.
Two days later Madeline is back in town and is asking Roxy every other hour if she is able to pick Cliff up yet. Around the 17th time she is asks, Roxy gets a call. It's the ASPCA! She picks up faster than you could say "Lord Clifford Edward III". The woman on the other line puts Roxy on hold for 15 minutes. Then another woman gets on and says to Roxy, "The Today Show wants to do a segment on the ASPCA and we would love you to come in and adopt Cliff on the show". Roxy then asks, "why?" The lady replies, "we loved your story" and Roxy rebuttals "I don't have a story". Then she says, "well, I mean, we love Cliff's story". Roxy: "I don't even know Cliff's story. You love my wheelchair...that's the story you want" The woman asks Roxy a final time if she will do the show and Roxy says "yes, but only if I can bring my lover".
Madeline gets a text saying "will you be on The Today Show with me? It's the only way I can get Cliff and I don't want to be a crazy dog lady by myself". Madeline calls Roxy and they set up a game plan for The Globerollers first appearance on TV. Obviously Madeline must be wearing her wheels. And ideally, they would be wearing Globerollers t shirts (which do not currently exist).
They call Timion, their #1 fan, and he gets right down to business. To quote this bearded man, "I only have one mode... and that is go mode". He gets on the phone with a t shirt company and sweet talks them into overnighting Globerollers t shirts to us so that we'd have them for the show we are meant to do in 36 hours.
The next morning, Roxy gets a call while rolling around in Duane Reede, of all places (she tells Madeline the story later and continues to say "in Duane Reede, OF ALL PLACES. This makes no sense to Madeline but it is now a joke that is a staple in our friendship). The call is from a producer from The Today Show. She runs through logistics for the following morning's shoot. When Roxy finally gets a word in, she tries to tell this feisty producer about Globerollers and our exciting new t shirts. The producer shuts her up quickly, saying that we are not allowed to wear logos and cannot talk about Globerollers. She wants Roxy to say that she wanted a service dog to help her with daily tasks and when she met Cliff, she knew he had the potential to give her the help she needs. The thing about Roxy is, she doesn't need help. In fact, Madeline needs more help than Roxy (Madeline is a mess). Needless to say, Roxy and the feisty producer never saw wheel to wheel.
Madeline comes over to Roxy's house that night and hears about the phone conversation that took place in Duane Reede, of all places! She listens closely to the details of the convo, nodding her head and occasionally stroking her imaginary beard. Once Roxy is done filling her globeroller in, Madeline makes an executive decision. "Roxy, do you know what this means? We must infiltrate The Today Show".
We plot our impregnation of The Today Show (we looked in a thesaurus for a word similar the "infiltration" and "impregnation" was our best option. We stand by it). We decide that we will wear our t shirts and smile at the feisty producer, acting as if the conversation that happened in Duane Reede OF ALL PLACES never even happened. Madeline will wear her rollerblades and will not take them off by any means necessary. For this mission, Roxy wants to coach Madeline on how to respond if the feisty producer tries to force her wheels off. Roxy asks Madeline what she will say if the producer asks her to remove the blades. Madeline thinks that she might say, "these are my emotional support blades and my doctor recommends that I keep them on at all times". Roxy thinks this is good, but wants it to have a little more punch. She asks Madeline if she could say that her ankle is broken and the rollerblades are helping it heel. Roxy doesn't fully understand the concept or treatment of a broken ankle so Madeline politely vetos this suggestion and they continue to brainstorm.
Three hours later and we have come up with a walking-proof plan. We curl up in bed for our beauty sleep and wake up 5 hours later to the sound of Roxy's phone ringing. It's our driver calling, trying to pressure us into coming down 20 minutes earlier than what was agreed upon because he couldn't find a parking spot. Roxy breaks from her slumber and slurs into the phone, "girl, drive around the block a few times. We'll see you in 20". We see him in 30 and he is not amused. Until he sees our wheels. And our t shirts. We are two pimped out globerolling girls.
We roll up to the building and are greeted by an intern. She brings us through the building lobby to an elevator that will bring us to the green room. In the lobby, a security guard shouts to Madeline "no rollerblades allowed in here!" We both shoot him a cold glare and continue on with our roll. No roller gets left behind.
Downstairs we find Lord Clifford Edward III leashed to an ASPCA volunteer. She sees us and for some reason knows that we are here to adopt Lord Clifford. Is it the way we smile at her? The way we gaze at Lord Cliff? She says to us, "you are adopting Cliff right?! I was so jealous of whoever got to take him home but when I heard your story, I knew that he was going home with the right mommy". No, it was the wheels. Everyone keeps referring to Roxy's story and we keep being puzzled by this. The only story Roxy shared was of her desire to adopt a dog. But to strangers, the story of appearance is the one that really sticks.
As we smother Lord Clifford Edward III with love, the feisty producer in all her glory walks swiftly over to us. She is wearing a headset and holding a stack of papers. Classic. She skips her introduction and asks Madeline if it would be possible to take her rollerblades off for the show. Roxy and Madeline both, at the exact same time and without skipping a beat respond declaratively, "no". Roxy continues on and explains that Madeline's rollerblades are a part of her. They are who she is and we cannot stifle her identity. The feisty producer looks unconvinced. So Madeline opens her mouth to say the line that Roxy had made her rehearse over and over again the night before. "Roxy can't take off her wheels, so why should I be able to?" There is a tense moment of silence. The feisty producer looks us both in the eye for a moment that went on a little too long. Then she looks at Roxy and says, "that's a good friend. I'll see you two out there". We do a mini low five and roll on our way. Where's the craft services?
We are then introduced to two swanky men in suits. One of them the president of Subaru and the other, the national advertising manager. They ask if the bitchin' dog over there is ours and proceed to let us know they and their company are huge animal lovers, and that in fact, they are paying for all the adoptions at The Today Show on this fine morning. They marvel at our wheels and hand us business cards, assuring us that if we ever wanted to add a Subaru to our wheels collection, they would take care of us. Today, our mission is to add a canine to our globerollers squad. Next mission: learn how to drive a car.
Once the Subaru meet and greet was completed, it was time for hair and makeup! Madeline's hair was straightened, Roxy's hair was curled, and our faces were globbed with make up. When the beautifying was completed, Roxy and Madeline rolled over to craft services, where Madeline was too afraid to socialize with anyone in fear that one of them might actually be an important member of the Today Show or NBC, and Madeline would make a fool out of herself by asking a question, such as, "So... Which dog are you adopting?". Instead, to avoid all possible embarrassment, Roxy and Madeline instead decided to promote Globerollers by answering any questions about Clifford with "when we first started globerolling... Oh yeah, that's who we are..." And then continuing to relate every answer to the blog. The truth was, Clifford was primarily adopted out of love (secondarily; in attempt to teach him how to skateboard). But since we got away with 1) Madeline being able to be on the show with Roxy as a "co-owner" (lover), 2) Madeline continuously rolling around in her blades in the NBC building, and 3) Madeline and Roxy both wearing the same blue shirt with a Globerollers logo on it (logos are strictly forbidden on the Today Show), we decided it was the ultimate goal to see how far we could take this day. Would we be knighted? Would the people of Bulgaria in fact jump out of the crowd and carry us above their heads? Would Clifford immediately take to the skateboard we presented to him and become the puppy version of Tony Hawk? So many possibilities. So little time. Instead of all these infinite possibilities coming to fruition, we confused a lot of people by calling Cliff "a beautiful young girl" and making them wonder if we were really planning on taking Cliff on a Bulgarian train ride. Whether they grasped the gravity of both our difficulties and victories globerolling this summer is unclear, but one thing is sure; we definitely made a lot of people laugh extremely loud on a very early Thursday morning. Even though it was probably very confusing to listen to Madeline and Roxy speak in the language of inside jokes and uniform-feminization, they all seemed drawn toward us and wanted to be part of the two-girls-on-wheels-with-matching-t-shirts-club.
When the clock struck 8:30 am, we were taken upstairs to the outdoor part of the Today Show. Madeline immediately ushered Roxy to grab all her belongings and take them upstairs, as - after the conversations that had just taken place - they could not possibly show their faces in the green room again. BANI-SHED (William Shakespeare). When we were finally outside, the very kind interns held all our baggage (the physical that is... The psychological was too tall of an order), while the globerollers took off their jackets and wore their tshirts and short skirts proudly in the freezing morning weather. The mission here was clear, yet challenging: we had to introduce globerollers as clearly and elaborately as possible, while still connecting it to Cliff and showing him love. And this within 30 seconds. Madeline and Roxy drilled the main points while awaiting the spotlight and agreed that the one would pick up if the other stopped talking. One of the camera men told us to be surprised when Cliff came running toward us, to which we responded that the jig was up.
When we were finally introduced by Savannah Guthrie, Roxy immediately picked up her cue and started discussing the need for a dog at globerollers (TM), while Madeline cutely added that we would get him a skateboard. We flashed our wheels, and the crowd went wild. Cliff came running toward us and all was beautiful in the world. Savannah told us she's a big fan of ours and it was time to leave the spotlight and return home.
The Wheels Deal:
Sometimes publicity means showing up for one thing and talking about another. Sometimes when a producer is uninterested in your cause it means save it for the camera. And most of the time, to the globerollers, no means yes. We stay true to our three rules. 1) Madeline must always keep her wheels on, unless legal threats are made. 2) the globerollers hold their bladders in solidarity together when there isn't a wheel accessible toilet in the vicinity. 3) when anyone tells us that we "can't" do something or "it isn't possible", we must do it. Thank you The Today Show, for helping us stay especially true to rule #3. Oh, and thank you for the bagels and fruit salad. They were delicious.